The Hardest Part

Updated: Feb 3

Okay, and now for probably the hardest thing I’m going to post on here. Frankly I’d rather discuss the Bristol stool chart and my bowel management routine then admit what am about to say. However, it’s about a weight loss journey, and for that it’s good to know where we’re starting. 92 kg. That’s where I’m starting. 92 kg = 14 stones 5 lbs = 203lbs (US).

This is the heaviest I have ever been in my life.

What is particularly distressing about this, is that as a tetraplegic a lot of my muscles have atrophied. Muscle weighs more than fat, but my muscles have wasted away. For everyday I was in bed in hospital, and to be clear I was in bed about 70 to 80% of the time, I would lose roughly 10% muscle mass. Therefore all this extra weight, has not only replaced the weight muscles would be giving me, but has far, far exceeded it. So by that logic, I actually have more fat to lose than an able-bodied person of the same weight and height. Holy Milkshakes Batman!!!

I’ll admit to having less confidence than I did, feelings of embarrassment and shame when I meet people who haven’t seen me for a while and I know I am much bigger than when they last saw me. I have cancelled meeting friends or I’ve avoided social occasions  altogether because of my larger size. I feel overly anxious and panicky just at the thought of seeing them. This is just one psychological issue connected to my disability.

What is perhaps of greater concern, is the impact on my overall health long-term. I am a prime candidate for type II diabetes. I had my bone density measured and it is much lower than it should be so I’m also looking osteoporosis. The pressure the extra weight puts on my heart is increased (although for now my general blood pressure is good) I know this won’t stay the same, as both of my parents have high blood pressure. I began having acid reflux at night time so I now sleep slightly raised. I believe it is directly related to the pressure my weight has placed on my stomach. Finally it is harder for me to breathe lying flat for the same reason. Being an asthmatic, this is not good!

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